(FREEWRITE) I need a doctor [Apr 24, 2011]

It’s been years since i’d seen the light of day, if you see it from my point of view it’s been more than that.  Hiding behind a crop dust of brown slinky ass hair means that it’s about time to try and grow it back out, and find the nearest hairdresser to fix it the way that I need it.  I feel like i’ve been dead for fucking years, and everyone’s left me for some new found ideal, a new found ideal of bullshit?  Someone fucking pulled the plug on me, and left me to deal with the underworld of my own mind.

Wait, that someone was me.

Izuchi Kanegawa here, you’d know me because i have that slinky cute mullet with pink and black to it.  Well at least before I sat at the back of my head and gave into society i did. I’d been through hell and back it seemed; i’d sat through mirrored and shadowed worlds and saw my own face and watched my mirrored life be obliterated. I’d seen the past, the future and everything else smashed like a wine glass out the hotel window. Not funny, i’m surprised i haven’t come out with multiple personality disorder or something, i feel like i had wings for years – but someone cut them off with a sword and left me to bleed.

I tried to save humanity, i tried to save the people that were so good to me on the other side of the track.  When humanity failed, and the mirror broke – and shit hit the fan, that’s when i cut off my hair and kept it natural and started to invest my money in a corporate way. I sold off my guitars, and i sold myself to an attitude called a lie.

I bet you believe i’m batshit crazy, eating off chicken heads and sitting in a straight jacket behind the studio that once let me record so many inspirational songs. Talking about revolution, and sexuality all in one sitting – now people just perceive me as a babbling fool with vodka and bourbon dribbling out my ass. Don’t you just hate that?

Breathe back into me the life i once had. I’m about to lose control – i’m no fucking doctor, compression’s and life support are about to be turned off. Lend me a hand people, i’m behind a closed door and i need to see you near me.

My family is no longer thinking i exist, they cut me off as soon as i gave up music. People are telling me i’m the exact opposite of who i once was, and for fucks sakes i got people telling me i’m hiding behind a mask. I Got people telling me, I’ve hidden my spirit under a cage.

Attacking myself and breaking my own mirror, that was the last straw.

Where do i go from here?

Where am i supposed to go if anyone from Senshudan do not know i exist, where am i supposed to live if my corporations are being bought out left and right? My money’s draining, i’m no longer the mogul of finances and cold hard cash laced with ice cold hearts i was.

I’m waking up to the idea i need to come back.

But will anyone see me as me?


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